Exclusive excerpt from my up coming Book Psycho-Confessions
The Emotion of Love, and the nature of its power
By: Matthew Wayne
from the pits of hell, I watched as my angel soared above”
How can one properly describe, or even explain the true impact this one emotion has over our lives, down to the very pits of despair to the beautiful stars that light up our night's sky. Without love you become hallow, numb and dead to everyone you ever will come in contact with. Love would be one of the single most reasons why we continue to thrive, to struggle on through the marshes. To go through hell just to save that one you love. Many people see love as being the meaning of life, to live is to love they would argue. Yet not everyone has the pleasure to experience such a powerful conviction in one's life. Spending their whole lives in search of this sacred relic. Then there are those who have loved, and who have lost, only to see it slip through their fingers like sand, each grain a memory into a past moment of time.
However this emotion has effected you in your life, one must not forget its power it holds over our many other emotions and desires, It can inspire the most amazing feelings and a second later the most dreaded thoughts. It stands above all our other feelings for it can incite nearly all the other's even hate, even hope. It can destroy friendships in a single wave, while saving another from a lifetime of solitude and misery.
“For they do not know the true effects this emotion has over me, I am and will always be a man who craves this one desire and emotion, this love and passion. I need it more then I need the blood coursing through my body. For without love this world is cold, gray, and empty. The love in which I seek has lead me down a path of heart breaks. For I once Saw an Angel, For I once saw a goddess and they smiled upon me with open arms. Only to watch them vanish before my eyes, leaving me once again alone, in the cold. Love is a dream, whether real or an illusion its one you never have to wake from. So I find myself back at where I had started, on this path, this quest. For love will always be the key, that set's my trapped heart free.”
“A Rose in Winter”
She reminds me of the beauty that can still be found in this hollowed out society, morality tossed away for cheap thrills moments of meaningless pleasure. Yet to find this rose, this beauty you must look far and wide in the darkest of rooms, past the stones that make up the walls that were built by pain and torment. I've told her many times yet feel as though they land on deaf ears, as though she never heard me. Can she truly understand how much truer words were never spoken. “Through her, I find reason through insanity” I can breath once again and feel the air pass into my lungs, My world became alive. Yet through all the warnings she pushes back, pushes away. Fear? Stress? Or perhaps simply does not realize it. One moment I am staring into her eyes, the next I am seeing an all to familiar reflection, an invisible wall, It's always the small things at first. Secrets not shared, Conversations that seem to disappear with the fleeting physical desires and the look in her eyes that always suggest something is wrong, yet the words never escape her lips. Even a rose in winter, needs love, needs to be watered and nourished, for if the rose wilts and dies, will I once more be abandoned to the harsh winter? Would she remember me, ever meaning more to her as I felt I did?
“So many who have loved, lost
and so many still pay the ultimate cost
I have walked this ground alone for so many years
carrying a broken heart, still tasting the tears
We all continue to run, while this earth crawls
forgetting to slow down, before we trip and fall”
“Lost Love”
Ever loved someone so much that you wanted nothing more then for their world to become one with yours? Their whole existence becomes your mission to make better? To give all your worth to? When you love someone that much no matter how hard to try and fight it, or struggle against it you realize how dependent you are to them. There is a very thin line between partnership and possessive, yet when you can think with a clear head that line can become clear and visible. If you are lucky enough to find this treasure, this love hold on for all your worth, never over look the gift. Do not let the passion die, for a simple brush off only furthers the distance and strengthens the lack of communication. To watch the one you love slowly slip through your finger is like watching a nightmare unfold before your very eyes, the horror sequence being played out is the loss of your best friend, the loss of another soul mate. For when you bond with another, your lives become entwined.
'two minds one heart'
For if you let it slip away, you will live within the nightmare of “what ifs”, what if I had done this differently. What if I had said this instead of this. If you truly loved that person so deeply, so passionately you will never forget them, never forget their faces. No matter how hard you try and push the thoughts and those memories in the back of your mind, they will linger. They will bring you fleeting seconds of happiness and sadness.
I remember reading somewhere “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”. For many years I questioned this, would I have never loved at all, then to suffer an eternal nightmare of a historic mistake or regret? Knowing it was my own fault for destroying the one thing in life that meant most to me? Or possibly their mistake or regret that to have walked out that door.
For the record no matter what anyone tells me I would not have gave it up for anything in the universe, I would have rather had just one second of knowing what true love felt like then never having felt what love actually means.
You recognize this emotion, you know love when your heart skips a beat just because she would whisper into your ear that she loves you, or a sudden glance as she passes by, glancing up into her beautiful eyes and for a brief second know that she's only thinking about you and nothing else in this world.
I knew love when I could close my eyes and see an angel in the flesh, no wings or a golden halo but breathing and smiling and laughing. Even when a dark storm would pass over head, and the rain falls hard and yet you do not care your expensive outfit is getting ruined. You know love, when you know how to love yourself and realize that material objects are just trinkets and that life before you is eternal. Whether you believe in Religion or afterlife, this universe wastes nothing and memories are the true treasures of life. Moments of time caught within the film of life. You cannot buy love, yes you can buy happiness but not pure love, you cannot take it. Its earned and gained, given by the other, by your lover.
When your thoughts always find their way to that person, When your dreams somehow reminds you of them. When you make it a personal goal to put a smile on their face, even if you feel the lowest on the earth. When destiny becomes a design of your own creation, Never forget that which is the power of passion,
Even now as the snow slowly drops, I look out my widow and reflect on my past, all the mistakes, all the wonders and joys. I have loved, and I have lost and I still refuse to give in. I have stared into the abyss of solitude, stood toe to toe with temptation and gambled with the devil. I still tread on, walking the path in towards my garden, towards my once more mysterious goddess. When a universe is built on opposites, on attractions, There is someone out there for everyone, and while there will always be dark days and dark storms, for any committed relationship if your willing to extend your arm, and reach out. You will never have to walk that dark road alone, and just maybe they might have an umbrella with them.
“Angels, What are angels? Are they higher beings, do they wear wings?
Do they wear a halo? I swear when I looked into your eyes I saw you glow”
“Rose”
“To pick a leaf from my peddle
to make your day bright and settle,
The sun shines so bright and high
the sent from my rose shall never lie,
Pick a leaf from my peddle
and give me to someone special
to brighten up their day
so when the words are at loss to say
they will bloom in the summer's light
like gold sparkling in winter's night.”
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