A Girl named Hali Rebecca

I don't even know where to start,

A few days ago out of the blue, this girl added me to her myspace page, it turned out she lived in Lindale not very far from me. in fact I frequent that town on many occasions, She was a Nurse that worked in the Emergency room at Tyler. For the short amount of time we had together, we talked, we laughed and we shared in personal stories of our lives, even our dreams for the future. Oddly enough if it wasnt our future dreams and goals that helped us click so well together it could have just as easily been our passion for knowleage and science and religious philosophies. I remember her telling me one night how amazed and surprised she was with how well my ideals for science had fit so well with religion.

We had made plans to visit yesterday and hang out for the first time, but her family had came down, but later that day we had been talking some more and She told me if she could get away for a bit she would come out and see me.

Please forgive me but this part gets hard for me to write, later that night after work I got home and like always turned my computer on. a few minutes into surfing an she pops on line in the myspace IM, though it turned out to be her little sister not her, She then goes on to explain to me what felt like a waking nightmare.

Hali had left her house pulling her sister to the side to tell her she was going to come get me and bring me back there so I could meet her and the family, she took her motorcycle because we were jokingly about that earlier and she wanted me to take a ride on it. From what the Sister has told me, she crashed her bike pretty bad and was life flighted to Huston, where a nurse who was friends with her called her sister (since her parents had already left to drive to the hosbital) that Hali's heart had gave out, and she passed away.

I understand it is not my fault, I also know that I could have had no idea or told her to not do it since she was going to surprise me as it were, since it all was in humor when we were talking about her sneaking away from her family. Being human I am prone to human thoughts and feelings, and one of them is guilt. I do feel guilt because I put her in harms way.

There is a small voice, slowly ticking in the back of my brain. it keeps repeating roger's mantra "god thats great, please show me the blessing in this" But I see no silver lining in the distance from the outcome of this, I know I have to live the rest of my life being the one responsible for another soul returning into the void.

Sorry.

Rest in Peace, Hali Rebecca.